Do you know someone that’s had a pet die?
Do you want to help, but don’t know what to say?
That’s okay. No one taught us what to say or how to help. In fact, most of what we were taught isn’t helpful and can even be harmful. So, kudos to you for wanting to learn more!
You may be surprised to know that people are often shocked at the intensity of their heartache when their pet dies, but it makes sense, doesn’t it? Pets love you when you’re having a good day or a bad day. Pets don’t judge or criticize. Some people are even closer to their pets than they are to other people. This means that your grieving friend or family member truly needs support. We applaud you for wanting to help!
Here are a few things not to say to someone grieving the loss of their pet followed by ways you can help.
Don’t say:
Your dog is in a better place
Don’t feel bad
Be strong for the kids
She was only a cat. It’s not like it was a person
You knew your dog would die before you
Everything happens for a reason
Now you can travel more
Be sure to get rid of all of his toys
Make sure to keep all of her toys
You’ll feel better in time
Focus on the good times you shared
I know how you feel
Although many of the above statements are intellectually true, they don’t help. Why? Intellect doesn’t heal a broken heart. We get it, no one wants to see their friends and family in pain, but intellectual comments imply that the griever is broken. Grief is the normal and natural response to loss, so there is nothing wrong with grieving. Grievers don’t need to be fixed. They need to be listened to without analysis, criticism, or judgment.
Here’s an example,
How many times have you heard, “Don’t feel bad, on Sunday we’ll get you a new dog”?
Now imagine if someone said, “Don’t feel bad, on Sunday we’ll get you a new grandpa”.
You can’t replace a loss, but can get complete, so try saying these things instead:
Ask what happened
Listen without analysis, criticism, or judgment
Be an example. If you’re the parent, talk about your feelings first. Then ask your child if there’s anything he wishes he could have said or done differently.
Say, “I don’t know what to say”
Say, “I can’t imagine how you feel”
Say, “Your feelings are normal”
Say, “Take all the time you need”
There is hope. No one has to be stuck in their grief forever.
For your FREE ebook on Guide to Pet Loss, send me an email.
_____________
If you are suffering from grief from the loss of your pet, please reach out today. I am here to answer any questions you may have about The Grief Recovery Method. Let’s decide together if this 6-session program is right for you. I am here to help you live a more joyful, peaceful life.
Contact me at 615-905-6565 or email me at andrea@yourgriefsolution.com, you can also leave a private message in the contact section.
Andrea Davis
Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist™ and founder of Your Grief Solution. Andrea guides grievers through the Grief Recovery Method® online and in person near Nashville, TN.
Ready to take the next step?
Book a FREE 30-minute Zoom discovery call, or start healing today with the Pathways Through Grief workbook.
